It is ok to feel blah, as long as you don’t stay there forever

IMG_0105I quit my job to take care of my child. It was a decision that didn’t take much thinking. After the little fellow came into our lives, days and nights were a blur. Time was passing by too quick and he was growing up faster than we wanted him to. I decided to take a break from my career and spend this time enjoying my life with the baby.

At first, i enjoyed staying in my pyjamas all day. Not having to rush anywhere or have deadlines to meet. But soon this feeling of liberation flew by and as my toddler started getting more independent, i felt myself being pulled deeper and deeper into a dark hole. I watched friends around me balance their jobs and home and self pity creeped in. Did i make a mistake throwing away everything to stay at home? The financial independence i enjoyed was gone. My savings were getting dry and i was worried about asking my husband for money.

Yes, i am a normal human being and i do question my decisions more often than i would like to. That was a rough phase when i was bitter towards everyone. I didn’t really like the person i was turing into, but now i realise i needed to go through that phase to learn to respect myself.

Respect. A simple word that means a lot. I learnt that it is ok to feel sorry for myself every once in a while, but it is important to get up and and dust myself as well. It is important that i learn to love what i am doing and give my decision a 100% of me. I would never have dared to follow my dreams if i had not taken that jump back then. I would have always been guilty of not giving my child my time and love. I also realised that no matter what decision i would have taken, the other side of the grass would have always seemed greener.

So for all of you who don’t know why you are where you are today, hang in there. Wait to find your calling and till then, love yourself like no one else can ever love.